1. Something for those early in their transition.


    You have made the decision to transition from the gender the doctor decided that you are at your birth, to your actual gender you should have been from the start. You have gone shopping, read all the books, talked to all the people, got your hormones, got name change forms… Or none of these. Your transition is yours, and nobody can tell you what or how much you have to do. But however you intend to get what you need, you are now ready.

    Here are the things I wish someone had told me before I started.

    A lot of people are going to call you selfish. They don’t see this as something you need. They see this as something you are doing to them (and that you are choosing, not needing, to do it). They see your identity as an inconvenience.

    Leave these people behind for now, until they realise the truth. You cannot force them to come along with you. Don’t waste your energy if they don’t want to listen right now.

    A lot of people are going to try and stop you. Some in very subtle ways (misgendering you) and others in very obvious ways (asking you to delay your transition to protect someone else from your “dangerous” identity) and some with emotional manipulation (“I get it and I love you but please don’t do this”). You are going to be surrounded by people who don’t want you to do this because it messes with everything they have ever been told about people and gender.

    Don’t stop till you are healthy. Be who you have to be, who you want to be and who you are. Don’t stop to protect someone elses prejudices or bad information.

    You may face discrimination and feel alone, and some people will tell you that you have to get used to it. That there are better times coming so just be quiet now and patiently wait the twenty years it could take until everyone gets used to the idea of treating you like a person.

    Don’t wait. Defend yourself. Start demanding to be treated like a person. You deserve it.

    Some will believe you are doing this for attention, or that you talk about the discrimination for attention. This will sometimes be worse than the discrimination itself.

    Share your stories of bad treatment. Tell people this happens. You do want their attention because this is not fair. Wanting to draw attention to something awful is never an act of ego.

    You aren’t going to see a lot of people like you in films, TV shows, books, video games, theatre, music or any other medium. People like you and I don’t get to fight/fuck vampires, save the world, run after your true love at the airport or make friends with giant robots.

    You will see us portrayed at murderers/murder victims/punchlines/drug addicts/prostitutes and exclusivity male to female. If you are a trans guy or gender queer, you don’t exist.

    We will never be in a Disney movie. Or if by some miracle we are, there will be protests because people think we are dangerous.

    Create your own art. Tell your story anyway you can.

    You are breaking the rules. You are an outlaw now. To many you have lost the right to identify how you want. Many hate the idea of class systems but many still classify you on what is in your pants (or more accurately, what they think is inside your pants). And you have broken the code. They will want an explanation. You don’t have to give them one.

    Don’t give them one if you don’t want to. You shouldn’t have to in the hopes that they will leave you alone. You are a person, not a teachable moment. Tell them “Why do you care” or “google it”.

    If you do decide to explain, be patient. Ignorance is infuriating but it isn’t their fault this society is so trans ignorant.

    Those who call themselves feminists will argue that you shouldn’t be allowed to exist. Some politely, others not so.

    Don’t engage, they are ridiculous. They are not feminists. Trans inclusive feminists outnumber them a thousand to one.

    Never, ever read the comments. It may be tempting, on a trans related news story, to get a feel for how people feel about the topic.

    Don’t look at the comments. The worst people post there because nobody in the real world is stupid enough to listen to them.

    Do one thing that is fun everyday.

    Talk to a good friend everyday.

    Listen to music on your headphones when in public.

    Get out of bed no matter how hard it is.

    Choose your battles.

    Many people will never see who you are as an equal. That is the price we have to pay for trying to live as we need too.

    They will not see it as it is. That we have to transition or risk death and mental illness. They will only see it through their narrow mind that has been narrowed by a gender binary that isn’t even real.

    You deserve better. You deserve so much more than this.

    "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. And unselfishness is letting other people’s lives alone, not interfering with them."

    Oscar Wilde wrote that. Remember this.

    You are not asking for anything more than people get by default. You are only asking for the privilege to be a person. Anyone who tries to stop you in anyway is being selfish. They are scared of you.

    There are two ways you could react to the crap you are about to get. You could be professor X and rise above it. Be patient and work on trying to make the world better. Or you could be Magneto, always fighting, no action is too aggressive… any means is good to get what you need.

    Be Professor X. Trust me on this. You will be a lot happier.

    Good luck.

  2. 14:35 11th Jun 2014

    Notes: 2707

    Reblogged from barbex

    Tags: feminismmisogyny





    So, earlier this afternoon I tweeted some observations drawn from my experience as a female author in publishing, working alongside both female and male authors in publishing. The things I said were the result of YEARS of things I have witnessed. I did not, and will not, go into specifics, as that…

    Please read this, because Lauren is so, so, so right about this. And over and over again, I see people say how their feelings about particular authors (male and female) are individual. But what’s disturbing is that those individual feelings seem to — over and over again — align with the same disturbing trend.

    Lauren writes up in clean and simple prose things I may have already written angry and terrible poetry about: 


    And Jennifer Lynn Barnes has done mathematics to prove.

    In the 249 books in the Times ‘best of’ lists, 76 books were written by women… and 173 written by men. (I’m no mathematician but I’m adding 2 plus 2 and getting something gross and biased is going on here.)


    Lauren is right that going into specifics detracts from the larger point—but as she already said it so well I have nothing to add and as people often go into specifics to attack those people making larger points, I’m now going to go into some specifics to prove Lauren’s larger point.

    Lauren mentions her book getting compared to Twilight. Twilight comparisons: they happened to every lady there for a while. 

    They certainly happened to me. There’s a comparison of Twilight on the back of the UK edition of my first book—which had a boy protagonist and no real romance on account of said boy didn’t have human feelings. (But Stephenie Meyer and I both have boobs. So, CASE CLOSED!) Also like Lauren, I was asked why there wasn’t more kissing. (Had I not noticed that I was a lady?) And yet at the same time, when I *did* write girl protagonists and more romance, suddenly my writing was so much less deep. (Sexism—gets you every which way.)

    For a lady, having comparisons made between your work and someone else’s means something different. Dudes are doing a homage or ‘taking their rightful place in literary canon’. Women are scolded for being ripoffs.

    It got so bad for L.J. Smith there had to be public announcements made, even though it was physically impossible for her to have ripped off Twilight.

    L.J. Smith has been writing books for Young Adults since the 1980s. She wrote The Vampire Diaries in 1991, which (for those who can do basic maths) works out to nearly 15 years before Stephenie Meyer’sTwilight Saga was written. So please, for the love of all that is holy, stop saying these books are copying Twilight. If they were, L.J. Smith would have had to have mastered the art of time travel, and would likely have made her fortune that way and be living a life of luxury on a tropical island.


    Sounds like she might have received more than a few emails on the subject…

    (I’m just going to quote here from another monster post I made a while back.

    'Dudes get to write perceived-as-derivative/actually-derivative fiction all the time and it’s a HOMAGE, but girls can’t do either. People decide girls’ stuff is derivative and lousy all the time, whereas boys’ stuff is part of a literary tradition and an important conversation. This is sexist and terrible.

    Neil Gaiman referenced Asimov in Neverwhere: 


    And G.K. Chesterton in Coraline:


    And William Gibson in Neverwhere:


    Yet I do not see Neil Gaiman getting chased around and called names.

    I am very tired of seeing women insulted for things every dude in the world is allowed to do. It is not literary critique. It is violent misogyny.’

    Still true, buds!)

    More specifics: I think this particular discussion on sexism started with a debate about John Green, and John Green as a person is someone I owe a debt of gratitude to. Last summer I was the target of a lot of ugly internet stuff, which culminated of course in the usual dead-end alleys of hatred: public and private nastiness. I’m not sure which upset me more: public posts discussing how I talk too much, and how I’m pathetic, and of course how ugly I am, or the emails discussing how I should die and be raped and have my books burned. The public stuff actually seemed worse, because it’s shocking to receive that treatment from people who pretend to believe in social justice, and to see others agreeing with them in an orgy of hatred… but the private messages designed only to shock and upset me like an ugly whisper in my ear, to target me where every woman is vulnerable, were bad too. I went on meds. Last summer was the worst, guys.

    John Green (who I don’t know personally at all) spoke up supportively, and it really meant a lot to me. Most male authors wouldn’t have done it. I see over and over dude authors saying that generally they support female authors, and never supporting any specific women, but always the Dudes in their Dude Club of Literary Awesomeness. So, personally I am very grateful. I think it spared me quite a lot of misogynistic horror I was in no place to cope with. 

    On a non-personal level, I’m happy that John Green’s lady-led movie was a big success… not least because I want to see the next step of a lady-led lady-written movie being a big success. Let’s not dismiss Twilight or the Hunger Games, because people dismiss them too much, but let’s also have our fingers crossed for the movie of Gayle Foreman’s If I Stay, which can only be helped by the success of Fault In Our Stars. And let’s look toward the next next step—some more lady-led lady-written lady-directed movies. There still is, disgusting though it is, a prejudice in Hollywood and everywhere else against female-led films (how else do we explain the treatment of ‘teen girl’ films? Where, when there is every financial incentive and every indicator it would be a success, is our Black Widow movie?) and that cannot and should not be ignored.

    John Green has become, to a sexist media, an example of ‘a dude who did it right while silly YA WIMMIN were doing it wrong’—and that’s frustrating for everyone (including Green) who is aware of all the many smart women in YA doing it right, and it means there’s pushback against him as a symbol. Also he’s popular enough now that he’s getting the hatred and pushback that people just get for being popular, and that hatred and pushback is hideous. It drove Stephenie Meyer clean off the internet. It fills me with horror and sympathy for him, as it does for her… but at the same time, I know and have seen many female authors get that kind of hatred and pushback, for having far less popularity than any man.

    It is super tempting to blame an individual instead of an institution, because an individual is much easier to take down. So blaming John for sexism is easy—and blaming Lauren for jealousy is easy—but it isn’t productive.

    This isn’t about any individual person. It isn’t about jealousy of anyone or hostility toward anyone or any one imperfect person’s flawed behaviour. It’s about the fact the world is not set up to let women succeed in the same way as men do, and that’s something we are all unconsciously participating in.

    Here are some more specifics to prove that larger point.

    How many dude writers are getting requests for topless pictures, like Maureen Johnson did? 


    How many dude writers are getting both treated badly because of sexism, and then treated DOUBLE badly (funny how that happens… it’s like people are trying to prove your point!) because they discussed sexism, as happened to both Eleanor Catton and Clare Wright?

    ELEANOR CATTON: What is she doing, having an opinion? Why isn’t she grateful? Why doesn’t she just shut her mouth and feel something?


    How many dude writers are accused of SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE FOR A ENDORSEMENT!!! as Robin McKinley was?

    (Note: Robin McKinley is a genius and I would describe several of her books as practically perfect. She has not offered me any saucy favours to say this.)

    (Note: George R.R. Martin has often described his early blurb from Robert Jordan as influential in his books’ success. Oddly, I have never ever seen anyone saying ‘Oh Georgy boy, you little minx, what did you do to get it?)


    All the specifics, as Holly Black says, form a trend.

    We need to look at what everyone is doing. We need to look at what *we* are doing. We need to look at the way the world works, and change it.

    All this.  ALL THIS.

    I always circle back to the picture I found on a convention report once, of me next to Patrick Rothfuss.  Pat’s a great guy!  Pat is also essentially the same size I am, proportionately.  He is not a wilting flower of a man.  The caption for this picture read “the distinguished Patrick Rothfuss and the cheerfully obese Seanan McGuire.”

    We’re the same size.

    Welcome to the double standard.

  3. BioWare does gender equality better than any other game developer, honestly. So many attempts feel patronizing, but BioWare’s writers clearly just give zero fucks about gender. It doesn’t even factor in.

    This might sound weird, but one of the things I appreciate most about how they handle it is the fact that you’ll face just as many female enemies as male enemies. So many games will feature “strong” female squadmates as feminism fanservice, but have you facing all-male hordes to avoid controversy, and only ever have male antagonists.

    BW has you mow down men and women with no prejudice towards one or any special treatment given. Women will be present (and leading) in equal numbers in criminal enterprises. They get corrupted by demons and impaled by husk-making spikes. It just makes it feel so much less condescending. You really feel like the only reason the writers even bother ticking the gender box is so the people in the casting department know which vocal talent to hire on.

  4. 13:17 27th May 2014

    Notes: 218488

    Reblogged from mindofamaddock

    Tags: feminism






    To donate £5 to the charity supporting the male victims of domestic abuse, text the message: MKDV46 to 70070
    Click here to watch the video

    At first I though this was a joke

    Don’t ignore this Tumblr

    Yet they still do even when it’s right in their face.

    This is literally still a feminist issue. This is literally still a feminist issue.

    We literally are trying to get all domestic abuse down. We’re trying to change a culture that says it is ok to hurt any person physically. WE ARE TRYING TO CHANGE THAT ENTIRELY.

  5. 14:37 25th May 2014

    Notes: 142849

    Reblogged from jadeharleyofseville

    Tags: feminism


    "Well girls, keep that in mind next time your friendzone somebody!"






  6. 14:18

    Notes: 220564

    Reblogged from leather-jacket-nepeta

    Tags: feminismmisogyny








    "but not all men" are you sure


    Tf is this? This is infuriating.

    Comments from video (x)

    I think this speaks for itself without commentary. There are many more incredibly nasty responses. 

    so when you say “it was one mentally ill guy! feminism is fucking stupid!” just look at this.

    These comments make me so fucking sick. If you think any of this is in any way, shape, or form okay, get the fuck away from me. Hell, get off the fucking planet.

    This is disgusting

    (Source: sluttyyetslavicslut)

  7. 14:14

    Notes: 4586

    Reblogged from yoisthisracist

    Tags: feminism

    To You Internet Misogynists


    First of all, fuck you. It’s always been like, you know, an irritating thing that you’d attempted to co-opt the language of feminism and other civil rights struggles to cloak your sexist ideas in bullshit like “Men’s Rights” and calling this sexist garbage “activism.” And for a long time, I think a lot of people like me were down with ignoring this shit because it was juvenile and stupid, but also because it seemed like this tactic was clearly the same as racists whining about why there isn’t White History Month, or homophobes trying to have a Straight Pride Parade, something that anyone with half a brain could see is transparently a way to prop up the bigotry of people who already control the balance of power in this world.

    But this Elliot Rodger mess brings up a way that this type of shit can affect people. Because, when you co-opt the rhetoric of revolution and struggle, it’s more than just “trolling” or some bullshit to make, you know, actual decent people angry. It’s language that can make a disturbed person think that defending bigotry is a legitimate struggle, that, in Rodger’s case, that owning and subjugating women is a cause worth killing and dying for. Because that’s what those words mean, you fucking garbage assholes, those words are for people who struggle from real oppression, to inspire people to sacrifice and never give up. The fact that straight white men have taken these words to rally around calcifying the bigotry that’s slipping from their fingers is truly disgusting, and now it’s more clear that it has fucking consequences.

    Fuck you, you pieces of shit, fuck you.

  8. 09:08

    Notes: 124

    Reblogged from jethroq

    Tags: feminism

    image: Download

    (Source: communismkills)

  9. 09:02

    Notes: 59771

    Reblogged from trulyamindlost

    Tags: feminismmisogyny


    it’s deeply disturbing that people are so eager to associate mental illness with mass violence, yet refuse to associate misogyny with killing women

  10. 08:45

    Notes: 83602

    Reblogged from trulyamindlost

    Tags: feminismMRA



    the problem, as i see it:

    contrary to popular belief, feminism is not a movement against men, it is a movement for women.

    and contrary to popular belief, men’s rights activism is not a movement for men, it is a movement against women.


    Perfect summary.